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Query Kick
hot sauce

Query Kick

$12.99

MILD - Jalapeno & Garlic The entry-level heat for data analysts who prefer their queries optimised and their sauces approachable. A smooth blend of jalapeno and garlic that won't crash your taste buds on the first JOIN. Perfect for those who like to dip their toes in before diving into the data lake. Heat Level: Mild (like your staging environment) Flavor Profile: Garlic-forward with a gentle jalapeno finish Pairs well with: • Morning eggs while reviewing overnight batch jobs • Tacos during retrospectives • Anything, really - it's mild, we're not monsters Warning: May cause sudden urges to write better documentation. Side effects include improved query performance and a false sense of security before trying the hotter sauces. 200ml bottle. Shake well before use (like your confidence before a demo).
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Cold SauceOut of Stock

"Currently in containment. Check back never."

Cold Sauce

USE WITH EXTREME CAUTION. You'll ask "why is it cold?" Because room temperature would trigger a thermonuclear reaction. Contains trace amounts of caesium-137 and broken dreams. Side effects include: temporal displacement, spontaneous yodelling, and an inexplicable urge to argue with pigeons. For full medical disclaimer, consult Ian (if you can find him). ⚠️ NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION ⚠️ DEFINITELY NOT FOR PIGEON CONSUMPTION ⚠️ Store below 4°C or face the consequences

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