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Lightdash Socks

$19.99

GOTTA GO FAST EDITION The only socks scientifically proven to increase your query performance by 300%.* Engineered with the same technology that powers Sonic's iconic Lightdash move - because your feet deserve the speed your data pipeline doesn't have. Perfect for sprinting away from production incidents, dodging awkward questions about your DAG, or simply looking professional from the ankles down during video calls. Features: ✓ Moisture-wicking fabric (for sweaty deployments) ✓ Reinforced heels (for digging them in during architecture debates) ✓ Compression support (unlike your data warehouse) ✓ Comes in pairs (unlike your staging and production environments) Warning: Will not actually make you run at supersonic speeds. Will not collect golden rings. May cause involuntary humming of Green Hill Zone theme. *Based on vibes, not science

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Finally, a hoodie that understands your data stack better than your engineering team does. Crafted from 100% organic cotton and broken production pipelines. Features include: • Kangaroo pocket (perfect for hiding snacks during all-hands meetings) • No drawstring hood (Joao said it's not cool anymore) • Built-in existential dread resistance Comes in black. Each purchase includes: ✓ One (1) premium hoodie ✓ Instant +10 credibility in Slack threads ✓ The ability to look pensively at dashboards Does NOT include: ✗ Irakli (he's not for sale) ✗ His SQL skills ✗ His ability to explain dbt models to non-technical stakeholders

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Out of Stock

"Confiscated by Legal. Again."

Lightdash Tazer

For research purposes only. Wink Wink. Generates 50,000 volts of pure data visualisation power. Side effects may include: involuntary muscle contractions, temporary amnesia regarding SQL syntax, and an overwhelming urge to rebuild your entire semantic layer from scratch. ⚡ DO NOT use on colleagues who question your dashboard design choices ⚡ DO NOT use during standup meetings (no matter how tempting) ⚡ ABSOLUTELY DO NOT use on people - Ilonna made us write this bit Legal dept says: "Any resemblance to actual law enforcement equipment is purely coincidental and we cannot be held liable for your poor life decisions." Batteries not included. Common sense also not included, apparently.

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Lightdash Cap

EXECUTIVE EDITION The thinking person's thinking cap. Now with 100% less thinking required. Premium six-panel construction for maximum dashboard-gazing comfort. Adjustable strap because one size fits all is a lie we stopped believing in after our first data migration. Comes with: ✓ One (1) premium cap ✓ Instant disguise for bad hair days caused by 3am production alerts ✓ Brim (for shielding your eyes from poorly formatted Excel sheets) ✓ Street cred at data conferences Does NOT include: ✗ The person wearing it (still not for sale) ✗ His opinions on normalisation vs denormalisation ✗ Protection from scope creep

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